I know this is easier said than done, as most people care what others think of them. Social media is a perfect example of this.
People will ALWAYS talk about you, they will always judge you. That’s life! But you need to not let it affect you living your most fabulous life.
I was lucky to learn at a very young age, to stop caring what others thought about me. It doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt when someone says something mean, it’s how you deal with it and move on that matters.
Remember people will always talk about you and say mean things, no matter your age. You don’t need everyone to like you, just the people you choose to be close with.
When I was in elementary school, I never had a problem with girls hating on me. It wasn’t until middle school, with hormones developing, that girls started their jealousy towards me.
It was shocking at first because I had never experienced girls hating me. I was always friends with them.
So middle school was when I started to have just one friend at a time and spend more time with myself.
I had my first and only girl slap me in middle school just because I was pretty. It was an eye-opener for the rest of my years.
I would go home and cry because I didn’t understand. For me, I didn’t have a problem being friends with pretty girls. My best friend Jenny, at the time, was so beautiful. But no one liked Jenny either, which is why we were such good friends as we could relate.
This is the time in my life that I made a decision, that helped me to move forward and deal with bullying and haters later in life.
I said to myself “I can either come home, cry every day, let them get to me and bring me down to their level. OR I can not let it bother me and move on.”
And that’s exactly what I did. I moved on.
When haters see they aren’t bothering you anymore, they will move on to someone else. It’s no fun when someone doesn’t care.
Figuring this out in middle school, helped me A LOT for high school (and my later years), because boy did the girls hate me, and again all out of jealousy.
Living Your True Life
If I truly cared what others thought of me, I would absolutely not be where I am today. And that’s living my most glamorous life.
When we care what our family, friends, and society thinks about us, it can keep us from doing what we really want in life.
I wouldn’t have gone to the college of my choice, lived in London after college, started my own businesses, stripped, moved around, become my own person, traveled the world, to dressing fabulously.
I’ve done stuff in my life and still do, that people constantly judge me for. I’ve chosen a profession that I will forever be judged and I have to be okay with that as it’s not easy. However, it’s a lot easier when you don’t give a fuck!
There was only one time ever in my life that I cared, not what others thought of me, but what I thought of myself. It was when I was 24 and making the decision to strip. I was already working at the strip club as a cocktail waitress but hadn’t made the move to taking off my clothes.
The thing is I’ve always been hard on myself. I didn’t have parents who asked to see my grades or helped me to go to college. Everything I did, I did myself and I was out to prove to myself I could do anything on my own.
But to make the decision to start stripping when I’m college educated, smart and got accepted for my Masters's Degree…one might start to think “how did I get to this point?”
However, once I made the decision to strip, all my worries went out the door realizing how much money I was making. Because then it was reverse, in that I went to college and I probably never would have made this much money so quickly…lol!
This is the point in my life, I REALLY started living my true life and not giving a flying fuck.
One of my biggest pet peeves are the comments people get for dressing up, such as, “Why are you so dressed up?” or “Did you just come from a wedding?”
Instead ask yourself, “Why are you so dressed down?” or “Why don’t you care what you look like?”
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look fabulous, to stand out, to wear sparkles all over your body, to shimmy and shake in a boa.
And there’s nothing wrong with dressing down if you want, but there’s no need to ask someone why they are so dressed up. We all dress in our own way.
As a clothing store owner, nothing annoys me more than when someone says, “I don’t have anywhere to wear this dress.”
What do you mean? Just put the dress on and go to dinner! You don’t need an excuse to look fabulous or an event to dress up.
When people say sparkle dresses are for the holidays, red dresses are for Valentine’s Day, or they save special dresses for weddings, I tell them those are my everyday looks.
And the reason why many people don’t dress up or wear that over-the-top boa, is that they care what others will think, say or look at them for wearing it.
When people see me dressed up, they usually compliment me then say, “But I could never wear that or pull that off.” Yes you can! Maybe it’s not my exact dress, but you can look just as fabulous in a beautiful dress.
Life is TOO SHORT to dress boring and to not wear what you really want.
When I help people to dress for confidence, I have them start small to get used to people looking at and complimenting them.
Some people are not used to attention and it can scare them away from wearing something fabulous.
It can be as small as wearing that beautiful brooch or bright red shoes, then wear the two together and go all out.
For men, I noticed that they want to wear the color pink or flowers on their shirt but feel hesitant because of what others might think of them or they might come across as looking “gay.”
But other straight men appreciate when guys take the initiative to wear something they wouldn’t and trust me women notice too.
Guys will definitely compliment another guy if they like the shirt for themselves or notice a guy with style.
Once a guy sees that he’s getting compliments and not laughed at (as he thought he would), he starts to feel more comfortable in his clothes and wants to try new fashions that he hadn’t before, and the same goes for women.
A lot of people spend too much time, worrying that others are talking about them when they go out. When in reality, everyone else in the room is thinking the same thing.
Perfect example, when you’re at a bar with a band and no one is dancing yet. Trust me, people want to dance but they don’t want to be the first as they are worrying what others will think of their dancing.
Most of the time people aren’t thinking what you think they are, instead they are impressed you started the dance floor so they can now dance.
Or they are looking at you because you’re the only dancing and it gives them something to look at besides the band, and maybe they’re enjoying watching you dance.
But in our heads we might thing they are judging, staring, talking about us.
Lets say they are judging and making fun of you…who cares! Will you remember these people on your deathbed? NO! But you will kick yourself if you didn’t get up and dance because you wanted to.
For example, I know I’m a good dancer because I’m constantly being complimented and asked if I’m a professional dancer. But even if I wasn’t, who cares!
Every time I go out, I have a female hater who can’t stand that I’m dressed up, looking pretty and can dance.
Some girls will openly laugh and point at me, I’ve had some get up and copy my dance moves making fun of them, some will take video of me to make fun of on social and I’ve had some girls who get up and bump into me while I’m dancing.
The real reason girls do this is that they want you to stop looking fabulous and getting all the attention. They hope that they will make you sit down and feel shitty about yourself.
However, I just keep dancing and looking fabulous while others compliment me. Because there are nice people out there who aren’t intimidated by you and know how to compliment someone.
Don’t let one person or group of people ruin your night. Learn to ignore them and have your own fun, I promise they will hate it even more knowing that you’re not bothered by them.
I’ve learned how to put blinders on when I’m out and ignore the hate. Something I’m very good at.
And I’ve also learned never to make fun of others dancing, even if they are horrible dancers in my eyes. The reason is that at least they are up having fun, and it takes a lot of courage and confidence to do that. So don’t hate and ruin someone else’s fun whether a good or bad dancer.
OK But I’m Not You
You may be thinking, “You make it sound so easy.”
Something I say to myself when I’m out and tell others to ask themselves, “Will I care about this situation or person on my death bed?”
For example, let’s say I’m dancing and having an amazing time. And some girl starts making fun of me. Most people would stop and sit down. And that’s exactly what they want you to do, to stop dancing good, stop bringing attention from men to you, and stop being fabulous.
If you let them get to you and sit down, they win and have the upper hand over you. Instead, ask yourself before you think about sitting down, “When I’m on my death bed looking back over my life; am I even going to remember this person?” NO!
However, “Will I look back and be more mad at myself that I sat down instead of dancing and having an amazing night?”
I’m going to guess you’re going to be mad at yourself for sitting down and letting someone you don’t know decide your fun.
It’s easier to not give a fuck when you realize the reasons why people behave the way they do. It has nothing to do with you but how they feel about themselves.
Life is too short to let ANYONE dull your sparkle and we only live one life.